1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
