I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
