We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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