Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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