Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
