Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
