I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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