So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
