Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
