id be glad to
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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