I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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