This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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