Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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