I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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