I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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