I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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