Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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