I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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