the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize