you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
