Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
