I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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