Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
