Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
