This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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