Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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