you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize