Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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