I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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