she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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