Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
