Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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