weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
