i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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