Screwed.edu
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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