Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
