Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
