How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
