i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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