I will die if light touches me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
