just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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