I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize