Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
