Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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