I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
