whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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