she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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