How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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