why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
