I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize