Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
