woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
