I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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