I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
