At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
