I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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