Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize