there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
