HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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