see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
