shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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