you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
