my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize