If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
