Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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