What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
