Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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