Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
