the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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