I don't think brook has ever known best
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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