i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
