It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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