How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
