"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
