i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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