He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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