Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
