If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
