im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
