I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
