Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
