flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
