And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
