I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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