Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry bcbud250 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(978): View more from Massachusetts

mornings like this make me wish i was morman.

Fav 32 1482 2449
share tweet
(240): View more from Maryland

I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.

Fav 4 4789 1259
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(612): View more from Minnesota

we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.

Fav 11 4693 1671
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.

Fav 8 1369 3149
share tweet
(810): View more from Michigan

i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors

Fav 4 2181 1117
share tweet
(361): View more from Texas

Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.

Fav 2 2144 1379
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(360): View more from Washington

Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.

Fav 4 717 1648
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.

Fav 3 1043 536
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.

Fav 0 45 5
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT