if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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