i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
