I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
