I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
