i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
