yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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