At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize