the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
